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Archive for the ‘Patriarchy’ Category

Rowdy Catechising

Well this video is rough. It’s a little more loose than normal at our table, because sometimes an open mic causes silliness to notch up. We started wearing this little catechism book out when Karsten was 3 or 4, used it for a year or two and just picked it up again a few months ago. We are plugging along further than we have ever been and with room to keep learning. Memorization leads to understanding which leads to wise living.

Catechism is a boon to the soul. It’s a formal instruction in the faith that over time allows truth to be rooted into the heart. Wrong answers aren’t harmful unless they go uncorrected.

With a big gulp, we welcome you to our after-dinner table…

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This will be a hot potato. But this is a very insightful Wall Street Journal article comparing the Western (American) and Eastern (Chinese) styles of parenting. You’ll hate it to the tippy top, but it will leave you wondering.

What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you’re good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences. This often requires fortitude on the part of the parents because the child will resist; things are always hardest at the beginning, which is where Western parents tend to give up. But if done properly, the Chinese strategy produces a virtuous circle.

Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior


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Tim Challies posted a link to this on 12/1, and I thought it would be a stellar way to start the year.

This is a calendar of sorts for systematically (but not comprehensively) praying Scripture over your children. The first five days look like this:

1 salvation “Lord, let salvation spring up within my children, that they may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory” (Isaiah 45:8, 2 Timothy 2:10).

2 growth in grace “I pray that they may ‘grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ’” (2 Peter 3:18).

3 love “Grant, Lord, that my children may learn to ‘live a life of love,’ through the Spirit who dwells in them” (Ephesians 5:2, Galatians 5:22).

4 honesty and integrity ” May integrity and honesty be their virtue and their protection” (Psalm 25:21, NLT).

5 self-control ” Father, help my children not to be like many others around them, but let them be ‘alert and self-controlled’ in all they do” (1 Thessalonians 5:6)

Go and do.

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We’ve had the joy of heaps of time in our home over the past three weeks with some of our favorite people. We have 4 boys and a girl. They have 4 girls and a boy. The oldest kid is 8. Eight of the kids are 5 and under. The 14 of us have a raucous time, punctuated by tickles, baby laughs and bumps/bruises and “when are we going to eat?”

When quiet adult talk can happen in the very late hours of the night, it’s easy to spend the time speaking of parenting issues, analyzing and examining issues we are facing, seeking sharpening, and reflecting on the labor and joys of our tasks and preparing for what is coming. Privately we perhaps are free to especially speak of the difficulties [read as: "overwhelming exhaustion"] of raising so many young children (all at once).

These words from John Piper are a balm to us. Here is an impromptu response to the common, secular “kids will kill the planet” talk that is common in the world,

“The kids I’m going to raise are going to lift a million burdens. Christian, you’ve got to believe that bringing kids into the world and being brought up in the Lord, makes them burden-lifters not burden-adders. They are in the world to lift the world, to save the world, to love the world. You’re not just adding dead weight to the world when you bring a child up in the Kingdom. You’re bringing up lovers of people and servants of the world.”

Source video

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I’ve begun following the blog RickandSusanna, and I appreciate their missional approach to living, their “let’s move our family to NYC and live differently there” mindset.

Their article Raising Daughters for Marriage is cursory, but was a helpful reminder to spend time parenting past the here-and-now.

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With all the timeless issues facing parents, we might expect an entire book, or at least a complete chapter of instruction from the New Testament. But God, who is infinitely wise, gave one verse to parents—that’s it. Care to know the concise instructions God gives to you, moms and dads? It’s all packed into Ephesians 6:4.

John MacArthur makes some observations from his many years pastoring: How to Provoke Your Children

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I Am A Family Man

One of my favorite videos ever…

Andrew Peterson – Family Man

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This in fact is true strength: to be strong as iron when confronting problems and difficulties, and not to yield in the face of pressure; to follow through on our words and restrain our children when it is needed. And yet also be to strong enough within ourselves to open up and play with our children, and let them be close to us. It’s not an overabundance of strength that prevents fathers being gentle, caring and intimate with their children. Often it is the deeply insecure man, the man whose soul is weak and fragile, who cannot open up to a child, be silly with them, praise them openly, and hug them affectionately.

Tony Payne, Fatherhood: What It Is and What It’s For, p. 90

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In the past few months I have been trying to be a little bit more intentional about spending time with the children, trying to grab the moments that exist and trying to create memories. Mostly I’m just trying to know them and to be known by them. And I know that one of the best ways I can do this is by spending time individually with each one of them.

Tim Challies lists some practical tips to building relationships with his children: On Being a Dad.

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“Everything good that had happened during my life had come from volunteering.” Joseph Kittinger

Imagine riding a balloon up to 96,000 feet. Joseph Kittinger took the ride. When at that amazing pinnacle he was ordered to start his descent, he kiddingly morse-coded back the message, “C-O-M-E-U-P-A-N-D-G-E-T-M-E.” That really freaked out ground control.

On a later project, Kittinger rode an open gondola to 20 miles above the earth (103,000 ft.)…and jumped. The details are fascinating (his fall lasted almost 14 minutes).

What drives a man to jump from space?

Scientific discovery certainly. The jump represented more than a daredevil’s thrill or a desire to break records; this was nascent space travel, the world’s first manned space program. Kittinger’s work with Projects Manhigh and Excelsior would study the physiological effects of space on a human subject and test the communications and logistics systems needed for sending a man on high. Before Project Mercury, before even the monkeys were launched into orbit, Joseph Kittinger would travel to the top of the world.

But it was more than that. It was manliness at work. The pioneering spirit. The explorer’s courage. The desire to go farther and higher, simply to see what is out there and what man is capable of. The need to push the limits of what is possible.

Kittinger is also sponsoring an attempt to break his record (from 23 miles up). Popular Mechanics has the story.

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I’m listening to a biography of Harry Truman by David McCullough. I’m only about 10% in to the story and am enjoying it.

This quote means little to the whole of the book, but it grabbed me hard today with past implications–and future implications of the grandpa I am becoming.

With such a grandfather a boy could hardly imagine himself a nobody.



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Starting when we had three very little kids we noticed the looks. It increased quite a bit with four boys and so did the many opportunities to talk to people. Now that there is a girl in the mix, too, it’s even greater. When my family goes in public, we get stares, we get people visibly counting our kids with their lips, we are a conversation starter of our own. We get to talk to lots of people about it. Sometimes their looks even warrant me starting the conversation with something like: “Yes, we have a lot of fun; Yes, we’re really tired.”

We don’t experience contempt like this story below accounts, and I think he is too harsh. But we do cause people to wonder and stare, usually in happy awe, usually with compliments.

But still, much of this article below is too true…deplorably so. God didn’t dictate a universally-applicable number of children each family should have. But the proud desire for more ease , the condition of the world, and even probably finances are not reasons to stop having kids.

How strange to live in a world where loving children casts one in infamy. Having a family with many children implies a backwardness and primitivism that is deemed unbecoming in the developed countries of the West. Large families, it is thought, exist only among religious weirdoes or the teeming hovels of the Third World.

Read the whole article: The Contempt Shown to Parents of Large Families

HT: Dennis and Mistin Wilkinson

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No other success in life–not being President, or being wealthy, or going to college, or anything else–comes up to the success of the man and woman who feel they have done their duty and that their children and grandchildren rise up to call them blessed.

–Theodore Roosevelt

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But God has it all scripted. For those who know Him, we are standing here on a brink of this great opportunity and joy, safe in Christ. A pilgrim is a person who lives for another time and another place. Go be valiant as you go onward.

The Things That Haven’t Been Done Before

by Edgar Guest

The things that haven’t been done before,
Those are the things to try;
Columbus dreamed of an unknown shore
At the rim of the far-flung sky,
And his heart was bold and his faith was strong
As he ventured in dangers new,
And he paid no heed to the jeering throng
Or the fears of the doubting crew.

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Ray Ortlund posted a very brief article suggesting three points that would help godly men love and build each other up. There is so little written about this; I would love to see a more lengthy treatment of the topic.

Brothers Together in Christ

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Fantastic!

“There are two paradoxical emotions that I aspire to encourage my children toward. I want to cultivate in them a healthy, God-honoring indignation, because the world is not as it should be. The second emotion I pray for besides this is an utterly unshakable peace. I want them to go through their days without a hint of worry, without succumbing to fear, without surrendering to despair. I want them to wake up every morning and to go to sleep each night completely at ease knowing that Jesus Christ reigns over heaven and earth. I want them to understand that things not being as they ought to be is how things ought to be. The not yet of the kingdom exists precisely because of the already. Sickness, death and poverty still assault us precisely because the Lord of lords has determined that they should.”

– R.C. Sproul (December issue of TableTalk)

HT: Adam Jones

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One Year Later

Grandpa Hayward died one year ago today. I found these pictures in the last few months. Read here what I wrote last year after the funeral.

Circa 1982

1982 - Grand Marais or therabouts

Ryan and Gpa - 1982

1984 - At the Piper wedding

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Some of you have never heard of Tim Challies. He is a one of a small handful of the Christian uber-bloggers (and of them, he’s the only one I read with any sort of regularity). He does his work here (Challies). He inspires me to read more, to consider more, to encourage more with my gifts as he does his. For a living he designs websites, reviews books, blogs, and more. In 2010, he has challenged himself to read ALL of the NY Times non-fiction, hardcover bestsellers. He is chronicling the feat at 10 Million Words. He has posted daily since October 1, 2003.

Besides the crowds who actually go to his website every day, over 6,000 people are subscribed to receive his feed through Google Reader alone (which is how I see his posts). He posts one article and one very short best-of-the-web type of post per day (called A-La-Carte). I’m glad to introduce you if you haven’t met.

Challies is a gift to the church-at-large. He is cogent, concise and is careful with his readers time. He just finished a gem of a series for men and young men (Sexual Detox). His wife entered the writing realm to craft a follow-up message for wives (False Messages). I strongly recommend that ALL of my readers take time to read ALL these messages (at least the ones directed to your gender) that affect us all deeply.

While it will take a little time to get through all the messages, they are immensely important and well-written summaries of the truths of Scripture related to the topics of pornography and sex. These topics are far too easily shunned in public because of the obvious discomfort that it takes to discuss these things out of private. Praise God for Tim and Aileen’s courage; they are spot-on. Thank God for His wonderful gifts.

Sexual Detox I: Pornifying the Marriage Bed

Sexual Detox II: Breaking Free

Sexual Detox III: A Theology of Sex

Sexual Detox IV: Detoxification

Sexual Detox V: Freedom

________________________
False Messages I: What He Really Wants

False Messages II: The Heart of Rejection

False Messages III: Desiring Him

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The opening paragraph of Jean Fritz’ biography Bully for You, Teddy Roosevelt:

What did Theodore Roosevelt want to do? Everything. And all at once if possible. Plunging headlong into life, he refused to waste a single minute. Among other things, he studied birds, shot lions, roped steer, fought a war, wrote books, and discovered the source of a mystery river in South America. In addition, he became the governor of New York, Vice-President of the United States, then President. This was a big order for one man, but Theodore Roosevelt was not an everyday kind of man. He was so extraordinary that when people tried to describe him, they gave up on normal man-size words. ‘A cyclone,’ that’s what Buffalo Bill called him. Mark Twain said he was ‘an earthquake.’ He was called ‘an eruption,’ ‘an express locomotive,’ ‘a buzz saw,’ ‘a dynamo.’

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Danielle shows us the hard side of medicine and life.

Gone for Now Feels A Lot Like Gone for Good

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boy_woods1This article is chock-full of very important bites of information that pierce my parenting soul. Read it.

The natural world offers children an opportunity to think, dream, touch, and play out fantasies about how he or she imagines the world. Nature brings a capacity for wonder and a connection with something real that is endlessly fascinating and largely outside human control.

Al Mohler on Nature-Deficit Disorder.

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barretteville2Whoa! So the Boomershines are having a girl.

We have a culture in our home where the needle is bent way…toward…boy. There are four little boys who love sticks and shoving, battle scenes, spider-hunts, and Lord of the Rings. We have a large box that is simply called “The Weapons Box.” Their movie choices are decidedly ungirly. In fact, if this weren’t a Christian home, the official slogan of our boys might be the famous line from Little Rascals, that they strive to be, “A He-man so manly, that if he fell off a building, he’d go out of his way to land on a girl.” But no, the boys think that line is funny, but not applicable to them.

Chrissy and I have considered it a treat and a privilege to start with four boys. Kar, Had, Linc and Knox have been an immense joy to us. They have made it easy for us to concentrate on what it means to raise a future man. We have been able to focus on a certain set of sub-values (values emphasized secondarily to love for God and neighbor) such as valor, gumption, chivalry, fortitude, steadiness, resolve and pluck. We know what we are aiming at, but the doing of it is a challenge.

And now? And now we welcome this little girl bringing sugar and spice with her. Now we must purpose to be more soft and gentle with our new addition. There will have to be much less tossing and swinging of the infant. There will undoubtedly have to be a line in the budget for dolls. There might be some pink things and tea parties. There will be more dress up, lost scrunchies, talk of ponies, and softness than we are accustomed to. There will be much longer hugs for scraped knees and fewer admonitions to “be tough.” There will be an all new sort of wardrobe, many pounds of accessories, hair entanglements, princess-speak (and now Haddon has a fighting chance to get the kitchen set he’s always wanted).

Claire Danielle

Claire Danielle

There will be new sorts of lessons for us parents, too. We will need help learning how to redeem biblical girlhood. And now I’m on the clock as I’ve got 22+/- years to psych myself up before walking her down the aisle to her chivalrous choice.

We are going to call her Claire Danielle. My grandpa’s name was Clair, and you can read here why we loved him so much. And she is named for my least favorite sister, Danielle; I am hoping that naming my daughter after her will help me like her better. (Actually…Danielle is just the sort of aim we have when bringing up a little girl.)

Life just got fuller and more expensive and more soft. We are in for it!

We can’t wait.

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Ray Ortlund Jr. found this letter in his father’s desk after he had passed away.

Hopefully my death will affirm the Gospel.

HT: Challies

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“Build only what you believe in.”

Kelly Johnson, designer of the U2 and SR-71

HT: Ortlund

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This is a portion of a personal letter written by my close friend, future-uber-blogger, current college professor, and soon-to-be missionary to Cambodia–Jeremy Farmer. I’ve removed the context of the letter but really wanted you to read his important comments about the theology of children. Please take some time with these thoughts. Chew them up and feel free to leave comments here about what you thoughts. Christie and I are expecting our fifth child and were thankful for the reminders contained here and lessons we learned from these words.

Stop and think upon these things. It will adjust the way you view your role as a parent.

_______________

…I’m coming to see [that the real] starting point for answering every question in life is biblical theology. From the very first page of Scripture, children are everything. No, I don’t think that’s overstatement. Gen. 1:26-28 makes a very tight connection between (1) the image of God; (2) man’s dominion over the earth; (3) and offspring. I think the most natural reading is that dominion is one of the primary means by which man is to image God (at least in the pre-fall state) and multiplying is one of the primary means for exercising this dominion. [Yes, I’m aware that the image of God involves much more than merely dominion and that offspring is not the only means of exercising dominion, but these are the most prominent items in the text.] After the fall, God immediately promises that the one who introduced sin and death would one day be crushed by the woman’s offspring. Thus, children are everything. The rest of the story of the Bible is about this multiplication of children—this is why genealogy is so important throughout the Bible—it’s the record of the offspring God is choosing to be the serpent crusher.

Interestingly too, from the very beginning, God also promises the woman that bearing children will now be painful—a pattern that continues all the way through the end: the victory over the serpent is certain, but it will be difficult and will not come without a fight (ultimately a fight that will cost the very Son of God His life). Anyway, I digress.

So, as Scripture continues to unfold, children are constantly prominent; in fact, if God wants to bless a person throughout Scripture, one of the, if not the, primary ways He does it is by giving him/her children—just do a simple search of how often “bless” and “child/children/son/sons” occur in the same paragraph. The results are quite amazing. On the flip side, one of the most grievous burdens throughout Scripture is barrenness—the absence of children (quite ironic when you consider the present aversion to children among many Christians today). Not only are children prominent throughout the entire storyline of the Bible, even in the poetic commentary of Scripture (such as Psalms, Proverbs), they come in for much attention. Thus, when the psalmist wants to describe children, out of all the things he could say (they’re expensive, tiring, a hassle, etc.), he calls them a “gift” and a “reward” (Ps. 127) designed to be a balm from the weariness of life’s rat race (vv. 1-3). Psalms 127 and 128 are both “wisdom psalms,” part of whose purpose is to describe “the good life” (i.e., what does life look like when lived in the fear of God?) And both of these psalms highlight the role of wife and children. In other words, when God wants to give a man the good life, he gives him a family (obviously, I’m not saying that barren couples or single men are in any way less favored by God necessarily; just that family is indeed always viewed as highly positive).

So, at this point, we have to stop and ask, “Why in the world would I not want children? What higher blessing can I invent than the one God has been using since the beginning?” I think that 1 Tim 2:15 makes most sense when read against this background—the woman was deceived and thus carries a horrible stigma for her role in leading the human race into sin; nevertheless, she will be saved (in the sense of her name being redeemed from this stigma) through the bearing of children. That is, the woman who invoked the curse is actually the instrument for reversing it, as she bears godly children (“if they continue in faith and good works”). Thus, even after the birth of the promised Offspring, the bearing of children is still in some sense redemptive, obviously not in the same sense that the birth of Christ (and the births leading up to his) were redemptive, but at least in the sense that as godly people multiply, God’s plans for the earth come more and more to fruition. This leads me to my next major reason…the Great Commission.

As we study and prepare for ministry, whether missions, pastoring, or whatever, we are constantly longing for more opportunities to minister; sometimes the Lord brings us people who are ripe for our ministry, eager to learn and do anything we tell them. When this happens, we often get quite excited—“what an opportunity for discipleship!” Yet there will never be a discipleship opportunity where I will have even close to the same kind of influence, input, and control in the life of the disciplee as I will in the lives of my children (and spouse too). For good or ill, my children will be like me (something very exciting and very scary). I influence them constantly, whether I am trying to or not—even my absence will influence them. I will never be able to influence the people in my church to this degree. So, if you want to fulfill the great commission, take Christ seriously and start making your own disciples; we’ve made four so far. Something that has come home to me with almost overwhelming weight over the past year has been the unparalleled opportunity I have for preaching the gospel as a father. Every time I discipline one of my girls, I go through the basics of the gospel—what you did was sin; you have a sinful heart; God loves you anyway; because Jesus died and rose, God will forgive you and give you a new heart if you want him too; you need to talk to God. No exaggeration, I get to preach the gospel up to 15 times daily! That’s hard to find even in the most “unreached” pagan village on earth! And the more I preach it to them, the better I’m learning it—the whole thing of God loving me even though I sin…

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Horatius Bonar, writing the preface to John Gillies’ Accounts of Revival, proposes that men useful to the Holy Spirit for revival have been marked in these nine ways:

1. They were in earnest about the great work on which they had entered: “They lived and labored and preached like men on whose lips the immortality of thousands hung.”

2. They were bent on success: “As warriors, they set their hearts on victory and fought with the believing anticipation of triumph, under the guidance of such a Captain as their head.”

3. They were men of faith: “They knew that in due season they should reap, if they fainted not.”

4. They were men of labor: “Their lives are the annals of incessant, unwearied toil of body and soul; time, strength, substance, health, all they were and possessed they freely offered to the Lord, keeping back nothing, grudging nothing.”

5. They were men of patience: “Day after day they pursued what, to the eye of the world, appeared a thankless and fruitless round of toil.”

6. They were men of boldness and determination: “Timidity shuts many a door of usefulness and loses many a precious opportunity; it wins no friends, while it strengthens every enemy. Nothing is lost by boldness, nor gained by fear.”

7. They were men of prayer: “They were much alone with God, replenishing their own souls out of the living fountain, that out of them might flow to their people rivers of living water.”

8. They were men whose doctrines were of the most decided kind: “Their preaching seems to have been of the most masculine and fearless kind, falling on the audience with tremendous power. It was not vehement, it was not fierce, it was not noisy; it was far too solemn to be such; it was massive, weighty, cutting, piercing, sharper than a two-edged sword.”

9. They were men of solemn deportment and deep spirituality of soul: “No frivolity, no flippancy . . . . The world could not point to them as being but slightly dissimilar from itself.”

HT: Ortlund

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On Heroism

To be a true hero you must be a true Christian. To sum up then, heroism is largely based on two qualities- truthfulness and unselfishness, a readiness to put one’s own pleasures aside for that of others, to be courteous to all, kind to those younger than yourself, helpful to your parents, even if helpfulness demands some slight sacrifice of your own pleasure. . .you must remember that these two qualities are the signs of Christian heroism.

G.A. Henty

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You are Very Kind

Thank you for all of your public and private congratulations and commendations to Chrissy and me. We are thrilled to have another wonderful blessing on the way. Since Haddon was due, people have told us to expect a girl and have prophesied that our last three boys would be girls. We have been so thoroughly pleased with the way God has been so gracious and we would be thrilled to welcome a little boy or a little girl into our home to share in this sweet life together–though certainly a little girl would really throw off the balance of our noisy, little ecosystem. We are able to happily expect a wonderful batch of daughter-in-laws.

You feel free to encourage us as you have been and as you will, but if you don’t mind, at least privately between the two of us, we are going to continue to assume as we always have that there is a little boy on it’s way…until scientific proof tells us otherwise. We apparently only know one recipe and it works for us. And “no,” there will not be an ounce of discouragement if we don’t have a girl. But we would be thrilled to accept her. I hope that we would be happy to freely accept a baby on any of God’s terms.

Here is the poem I have carried in my heart over the past years of preparing for little boys to join our family. Captain Cyril Morton Thorne wrote:

To My Unborn Son

What simple, beautiful words!
“My boy!” What a wonderful phrase!
We’re counting the months till you come to us —
The months, and the weeks, and the days!

The new little stranger, some babes are called,
But that’s not what you’re going to be;
With double my Virtues and half of my faults,
You can’t be a stranger to me!

Your mother is straight as a sapling plant,
The cleanest and best of her clan —
You’re bone of her bone, and flesh of her flesh,
And, by heaven, we’ll make you a man!

Soon I shall take you in two strong arms-
You that shall howl for joy-
With a simple, passionate, wonderful pride
Because you are just-my boy!

And you shall lie in your mother’s arms,
And croon at your mother’s breast,
And I shall thank God I am there to shield
The two that I love the best.

A wonderful thing is a breaking wave,
And sweet is the scent of spring,
But the silent voice of an unborn babe
Is God’s most beautiful thing.

We’re listening now to that silent voice
And waiting, your mother and I —
Waiting to welcome the fruit of our love
When you come to us by and by.

We’re hungry to show you a wonderful world
With wonderful things to be done,
We’re aching to give you the best of us both
And we’re lonely for you-my son!

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Children will imitate their fathers in their vices, seldom in their repentance.

Spurgeon

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It’s 2:45 a.m. I ALWAYS sleep well, so I don’t know what the problem is. But I’m sitting here organizing my browser bookmarks and I find this link that I didn’t have time to read when I came across it months ago.

39 Lessons, 20 Tips and 10 “Don’ts” For Parenting

It’s really, really potent parenting advice. But at the same time, it’s a lot to chew on in one reading. Please read it, maybe print it out and read it with your spouse. There are some real gems in here.

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