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Archive for the ‘Patriarchy’ Category

In response to a question left in the comments section about reading, I will answer a couple of questions here about reading to the kids and maybe go a bit broader than the actual question. Then you all can feel free to ask anything in follow-up.

The goal in our home to is show a faithful and consistent pattern of reading, individually and corporately. We want the boys to be comfortable in the world of ideas, to learn to think thoughts outside of themselves, to be filled with all sorts of stories of adventure and heroism and bravery, to learn truths in story form. We want them to learn to sit still, to wait as a plot develops, to ask questions, to wonder, to be amazed, to hurrah good deeds.

So from the earliest days, we have read all manner of books with our boys. Starting with simple stories and simple picture books. The first thing I remember spending a lot of time on with Karsten (he is 6 1/2 now) was board books full of colors, objects and numbers. When he was three, he lived with this atlas in his hand for months and months. He memorized hundreds of animals from it.

Certainly the amount of individual reading time (among other activities) wanes as the number of children grows, but that doesn’t mean that the children are read to less, hopefully. Our goal is that Chrissy and I both try to have reading times with the kids every day. And since we moved to TN we hit that goal almost all the time when we are home.

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Chrissy reading to the Boomer boys and Farmer girls

We definitely always try to read books above their levels. I have an unofficial policy that I don’t read readers to kids. Readers are for kids to learn to read, not for me to read. We have plenty of storybooks around that I don’t have to read readers. Chrissy’s regular time of reading is after lunch and before 1:30 naptimes. I often read after dinner.

I needed to do the math on this one, but I think Karsten was about 4 1/2 when we started to read through Narnia. It took us about 13 months and I think I read regularly 3-4 times a week.  Haddon would have been 3 when we started and I remember that through the first half probably, I didn’t require him to sit down but he needed to stay in the room and he usually came back to look at pictures. Sometimes he would fall asleep. Karsten was captivated from the first lines. We used this single-volume edition (which apparently isn’t in print now).

We finished Narnia last January and then had a crazy Spring being away and moving. I tried to get through 100 Cupboards and we didn’t make it. We’ll try again later. Currently, the boys and I are on book three of the Little House on the Prairie series and Kar and Had are smitten. Linc almost always sits with us but may do a little roaming. This summer I read Kar and Had a biography of Mueller and I can’t remember what else.

Right now Chrissy is reading these three to the boys: The Fellowship of the Ring (they read the Hobbit this year),  Hero Tales, and D’Aulaires Book of Greek Myths. Then for Karsten’s schoolwork they often read all together and right now they are reading among other things Genesis and The Story of the World, Volume 1.

In 2008, Chrissy has read to them biographies of Judson, Lincoln, Washington and Booker T. Washington.

I will maybe start listing on TBAP the the books that we read to them–like I list the books I’ve read–and then some recommendations for other books that aren’t storybooks.

You get what you honor. And some books are just plain fun, some are inspiring, some are informational. But God must be the warp and woof behind all of it, and the kids need to see it. It’s totally unnecessary to explain the nuances of every little bit, or even every story. But our children should see in us a pattern of loving and cleaving to the things that are true, good and beautiful and chucking the other books across the room–so to speak.

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The Desiring God blog lists some NT texts to pray for our children.

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Here is a great summary of what to be teaching them. The first two books especially are gold in our home. We will start checking out many of the others.

Andy Naselli has a review in pictures on his blog and the actual article with the book-by-book description is found in the journal Themelios. Here it is in PDF and the reviews start on p. 121 — page numbers are on each visual page, not on the reader)

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So, Ryan, What’s It Like?

Christie with Karsten, Haddon, Lincoln and Knox

Christie with Karsten, Haddon, Lincoln and Knox

Four little boys in one house is pure treasure–especially boys who climb trees, love mama, sing loudly, prize stories, esteem cardinals.

[This story was submitted to 22 Words as a contest entry.]

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Read and consider this article (The Eschatology of Parenting) on the consequences of shirking our parenting duties. It says in part:

A parent who will not discipline a child for disobedience, or who is inconsistent in doing so, is teaching that child not to expect consequences for behavior. In short, a parent who will not discipline is denying the doctrine of hell.

I don’t think he’s taking things too far. I think we are just stunted think that ramifications only last until our child dies. The article is brief. Please read it.

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Last month, several families from Charity were able to go to hear Tedd Tripp’s two day seminar on biblical parenting. It was a good condensed img_0879-copy-2version of his two wonderful books Shepherding a Child’s Heart and Instructing a Child’s Heart which are the books I would most urge parents to read to complement your understanding of Scripture. The sessions of the conference are Scripture-soaked and can add freshness and needed help to every home.

Just before we saw him in Franklin, he was at Mark Driscoll’s church in Seattle. Mars Hill has released full online video of all the sessions, and I strongly commend them to you to view online, or, if your internet connection won’t handle the stream, to download it. It is free.

The sessions are rich with just the sorts of things that will make our homes to be bent more toward Christ. I hope you and your spouse will watch them together as a parenting unit.

They were all beneficial, but I loved Session 2 the most and Tripp commented that it was the most important part of the five.

Shepherding a Child’s Heart Conference

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Define Strong

G.K. Chesteron:

“We are perpetually being told that what is wanted is a strong man who will do things. What is really wanted is a strong man who will undo things; and that will be the real test of strength.”

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Waking Up in Glory

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Clair Robert Hayward (1931-2008)

Thursday morning my Grandpa woke up with new good legs, new strong arms, a new full voice, and newfound joys. He sees God in His glory. He’s singing again today and adjusting to his eternal home. His joy is beginning to bud and will always increase.

“But just think of stepping on shore and finding it Heaven,

of touching a hand and finding it God’s,

of breathing new air and finding it celestial,

of waking up in glory and finding it home.”

He was a wonderful, warm, generous, loving, gentle man of real, lively faith. He was a real example of “love with shoes on” in that he lived what he believed and it affected everything.

God laid him low three autumns ago with a stroke that limited his speech and slowed his body. Those days were arduous for us and him. In the hours after that first stroke, when his speech was starting to slur, he was offering me instructions for the moment and for life. I wish I could have understood all of his words. His clearest speech that day was the mandate to take care of grandma. I spent several nights with him in ICU, and he shocked the doctors and his family by surviving. He was mostly silent for the last three years, but we loved birthdays when we knew that grandpa would sing Happy Birthday along with the rest of us [singing and talking are generated in different parts of the brain]. In the waning years, as my boys were growing up, I cherished the way that he cherished them. Through his physical want, he always put on a happy, loving smile and gentle hands when my boys walked through the door. He lost his physical capabilities, but not his cheery, loving heart.

He was a teacher of the best sorts of things. He taught me how to read a map and be his navigator. From the backseat, I learned to give the best sorts of directions and location declarations. I think I traveled with grandma and him to Florida probably six times, Colorado twice and Grand Marais bunches.

He taught me how to spit like a man when I was very young sitting in the back seat of their Dodge Omni tooling down to Florida. Whenever he rolled down his window to spit, I was sure to do the same. I learned that to avoid a wet face, you had to spit hard from the back of your mouth when you were traveling 65 miles an hour.

He taught me to be faithful, steady and quiet. You always knew where he was going to be on Sunday. No questions. I always knew he would be working hard on every job he was given or that he gave himself. He was a first-rate mechanic, wise deacon, knowledgeable Sunday School teacher. He was always in his place. Grandma remembers that he only ever missed one day of work (the road was blocked both ways during a snowstorm). He was always where he should be. I knew to look for him in the barn when we arrived every Friday evening for spaghetti, Pepsi, popcorn and fudge.

One sunny Saturday, grandpa opened the barn doors and brought out the old ’73 Charger. He told me to get in. I remember the feel of the white vinyl and the stale smell of having been sitting in storage. He showed me she could still move fast. I remember holding on for dear life as we flew through the countryside. He looked over at me, saw my expression and slowed way down. He said, “We should put on our seatbelts. It would be really embarrassing if we were killed in an accident.” We did, and he was off again.

“A faithful man shall abound with blessings.”

He could be stern and calm at the same time. I found that out every time I was foolish with the motorbike, go-kart or BB gun.

One of the coolest days of my life was when, as a 12 year old, I flew from Kalamazoo to Chicago to Jacksonville all by myself. It was a ton of fun and part of the enjoyment was that on every leg of the journey, the stewardesses and the airport hosts were calling me Clair Hayward. I was using his ticket.

“No man was ever shot by a woman while he was washing dishes.” — Grandpa had this motto hanging at eye level by the kitchen sink

Some would travel the world for him. Grandma did. At 17 years old, she took a ship to England to marry him (he was stationed at Ipswich in the Air Force). Grandma was his faithful and dear wife who cared for him gently and respectfully in all his travails. She was a wonderful example of a sweet, patient helpmeet. They made a wonderful pair for 56 years.

Today was a wonderful day. Nearly 500 people gathered together and shared wonderful memories that made us roar with love. We sang heartily. We wept real sorrow. We belly-laughed. We were thankful together to have known him.

And now I live happy with my memories of him, glad that my oldest boys will remember him and that he was a man who loved his God, family and church entirely. I can unashamedly seek to emulate him and point my boys to his example and, like him, strive to be faithful to the end.

UPDATE: On 9/3/09, after four boys, Christie and I welcomed a little girl into our home. She is a sweet and precious gift. We named her Claire.

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Maybe the best video I’ve posted.

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A quote of mine from a sermon on Parenting Proverbs:

“Every bit of parenting is a spiritual endeavor. Every bit! We cannot go to the ice cream store without it being a spiritual expedition. A trip to the ice cream store is immensely multi-faceted. It involves themes of temperance, thankfulness, control, charity for others, and host of other things. Parenting is and must be a deliberate spiritual endeavor.”

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Grace-Filled Fatherhood

Douglas Wilson on his blog:

You have asked me how it is possible to have a rebellious and out-of-control son when you have not ever thought of yourself as an indulgent father. You are right to see that radical indulgence on the part of a father is a disaster for sons — boys need direction, counsel, admonition, and correction. Of course. And if a father does not provide this, the boy grows up rudderless. That being the case, other more powerful voices will step in to provide direction. Those voices are best categorized under the heading of lusts.

But rebellion in sons can come from another direction as well. If a father’s disposition is negative, if he provides nothing but direction, counsel, admonition and correction, then the father has become nothing but law to his son. And what does law do when it comes into contact with sinners? It reveals sin (Rom. 3:20). More than this, it provokes sin (Rom. 5:20).

Grace deals with sin. Indulgence does not. Law would like to, but cannot. To cover up for its impotence, law in a father can deliver yet another disapproving lecture. And the son concludes that if he is going to be hanged for a thief no matter what he does, he might as well steal something.

Gracious fathers lead their sons through the minefield of sin. Indulgent fathers watch their sons wander off into the minefield. Legal fathers chase them there.

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An excerpt from the chapter “The Art of Home School Opera: The Blessing of Family Eccentricities,” from The Little Boy Down the Road: Short Stories and Essays on the Beauty of Family Life, by Douglas W. Phillips, to be released from Vision Forum, October, 2008:

Every day there are thousands of sounds competing for the attention of fathers.

There is the sound of the television set. This is the intoxicating call of the ancient siren, lulling men to slumber, urging them to check their brains at the door of their homes and float into a sea of passivity until they crash upon the rocks of life. There is the sound of the city and the business world. These sounds sometimes give men the false assurance that corporate success is the true test of manhood.

Then there are the diverse sounds of the world in general — a never-ending barrage of sound coming from the hum of machines, the chatter of people, and the background music that follows modern man from elevators to his car to the local coffee shop. These sounds remind us that we are not alone. But they also train us to be incapable of sitting in silence and communing with our God. Like a drug that takes away the pain of life at the expense of the clarity of the mind, these sounds often fill our heads with unnecessary distraction, such that it is a struggle to focus on the most important things.

We live in a world of sound pollution — too much sound, all the time. We spend so much time listening to indiscriminate sounds that we often fail to hear the music of life. We need to reduce the pollution and start listening to the most important music — the sounds that make a Christian household a Christian household.

(more…)

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Susanna Wesley’s childrearing advice (she was also the 25th child in a family of 25 children):

In order to form the minds of children, the first thing to be done is to conquer their will and bring them to an obedient temper. To inform the understanding is a work of time and must with children proceed by slow degrees as they are able to bear it: but the subjecting the will is a thing which must be done at once; and the sooner the better. For by neglecting timely correction, they will contract a stubbornness and obstinacy which is hardly ever after conquered; and never, without using such severity as would be as painful to me as to the child. In the esteem of the world they pass for kind and indulgent, whom I call cruel, parents, who permit their children to get habits which they know must be afterward broken. Nay, some are so stupidly fond as in sport to teach their children to do things which, in a while after, they have severely beaten them for doing.

Whenever a child is corrected, it must be conquered; and this will be no hard matter to do if it be not grown headstrong by too much indulgence. And when the will of a child is totally subdued and it is brought to revere and stand in awe of the parents, then a great many childish follies and inadvertences style may be passed by. Some should be overlooked and taken no notice of, and others mildly reproved; but no willful transgression ought ever to be forgiven children without chastisement, less or more, as the nature and circumstances of the offense require.

I insist upon conquering the will of children betimes, because this is the only strong and rational foundation of a religious education; without which both precept and example will be ineffectual. But when this is thoroughly done, then a child is capable of being governed by the reason and piety of its parents, till its own understanding comes to maturity and the principles of religion have taken root in the mind.

I cannot yet dismiss this subject. As self-will is the root of all sin and misery, so whatever cherishes this in children insures their after-wretchedness and irreligion; whatever checks and mortifies it promotes their future happiness and piety. This is still more evident if we further consider that religion is nothing else than the doing the will of God and not our own: that the one grand impediment to our temporal and eternal happiness being this self-will, no indulgencies of it can be trivial, no denial unprofitable. Heaven or hell depends on this alone. So that the parent who studies to subdue it in his child works together with God in the renewing and saving a soul. The parent who indulges it does the devil’s work, makes religion impracticable, salvation unattainable; and does all that in him lies to damn his child, soul and body forever.

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“Somehow, we’ve managed to turn childhood into a long, hard slog.

Stellar article.

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Pastoral Advice

from Tim Keller about the pastoral home…

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I’ve been reading this blog for a few weeks.  It’s called the Art of Manliness.  It’s a good place to learn how to clean a gun, shine your shoes like a soldier, find a real barbershop, shave like your grandpa, and start a fire without matches.  Today’s post is 10 Manly Feats of Strength.

Generally, I’ve been enjoying the site and find it primarily entertaining and also a strong antidote to today’s men who have an inordinate interest in things not pertaining to a man.  Or as the country music song laments, “These days there’s dudes gettin’ facials, manicured, waxed and botoxed, with deep spray-on tans and creamy lotiony hands, you can’t grip a tackle box.” [Pardon me.]

At the same time, there should be a general warning about machoism and he-manism.  These mindsets are not full of charity, deference, and Godwardness.  The Scriptural pattern is that Christ showed his strength by His humility, not bravado.

The AoM website does not seem to me to take anything too far.  They desire to be a blog about recovering the art of masculinity.  Their About page says, in part, “The Art of Manliness is dedicated to helping men uncover what manliness means in the 21st century. What skills and knowledge should a 21st Century man acquire? What traits should they develop? In our search to uncover the lost art of manliness, we’ll look to the past to find examples of manliness in action. We’ll analyze the lives of great men who knew what it meant to “man up” and hopefully learn from them.”

I’ve said too much.  Go enjoy the site, men.

The Art of Manliness

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William Bradford…

“All great and honorable actions are accompanied with great difficulties and must be overcome with answerable courage.”

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Get Busy

If You Were Busy Being Kind by R. Foreman

If you were busy being kind,
Before you knew it you would find
You’d soon forget to think ’twas true
That someone was unkind to you.

If you were busy being glad
And cheering people who seem sad,
Although your heart might ache a bit,
You’d soon forget to notice it.

If you were busy being good,
And doing just the best you could,
You’d not have time to blame some man
Who’s doing just the best he can.

If you were busy being true
To what you know you ought to do,
You’d be so busy you’d forget
The blunders of the folks you’ve met.

If you were busy being right,
You’d find yourself too busy quite
To criticize your brother long,
Because he’s busy being wrong.

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George Eliot’s “The Choir Invisible”

O, may I join the choir invisible
Of those immortal dead who live again
In minds made better by their presence; live
In pulses stirred to generosity,
In deeds of daring rectitude, in scorn
Of miserable aims that end with self,
In thoughts sublime that pierce the night like stars,
And with their mild persistence urge men’s minds
To vaster issues.
May I reach
That purest heaven,–be to other souls
The cup of strength in some great agony,
Enkindle generous ardour, feed pure love,
Beget the smiles that have no cruelty,
Be the sweet presence of good diffused,
And in diffusion ever more intense!
So shall I join the choir invisible,
Whose music is the gladness of the world.

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Daniel Burnham (1864-1912), Chicago architect…

“Make no little plans. They have no magic to stir men’s blood and probably themselves will not be realized. Make big plans; aim high in hope and work, remembering that a noble, logical diagram once recorded will never die but long after we are gone will be a living thing, asserting itself with ever-growing insistency. Remember that our sons and grandsons are going to do things that would stagger us.”

HT: Ray Ortlund

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The sweet testimony of Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman in the wake of their daughter’s death.

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Cherish the Moment

What a Baby Costs
By Edgar A. Guest

How much do babies cost?” said he
The other night upon my knee;
And then I said:  “They cost a lot;
A lot of watching by a cot,
A lot of sleepless hours and care,
A lot of heart-ache and despair,
A lot of fear and trying dread,
And sometimes many tears are shed
In payment for our babies small,
But every one is worth it all.

For babies people have to pay
A heavy price from day to day –
There is no way to get one cheap.
Why, sometimes when they’re fast asleep
You have to get up in the night
And go and see that they’re all right.
But what they cost in constant care
And worry, does not half compare
With what they bring of joy and bliss –
You’d pay much more for just a kiss.

Who buys a baby has to pay
A portion of the bill each day;
He has to give his time and thought
Unto the little one he’s bought.
He has to stand a lot of pain
Inside his heart and not complain;
And pay with lonely days and sad
For all the happy hours he’s had.
His smile is worth it all, you bet.”

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The last living WWI U.S. Veteran.

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I’ve mentioned Navy Seal Michael Monsoor before.  Here is a brief story that includes a link to his memorial service montage video–nearly every Seal on the west coast attended–and the text of President Bush’s speech when he gave Michael’s parents the Medal of Honor.

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Douglas Wilson, For Kirk and Covenant, biography of John Knox…

“[He] knew that ignorance, not learning, was the breeding ground for heresy and superstition, and so he was zealous to see schools established throughout the realm of Scotland.”

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Richard Baxter’s (Puritan) advice for when we are driving our children in the car.  I love the premise.  I understand his sentiment, but I don’t know if I agree with the last statement, unless he is referring to poor in spirit.

“Speak to your children disgracefully of the gallantry and pomp and riches of the world and of the sin of selfishness and covetousness, and diligently watch against it and all that may tempt your children to it. When they see great houses and attendants and gallantry, tell them that these are the devil’s baits to entice poor sinners to love this world, that they may lose their souls and the world to come. Tell them how much heaven excels all this, and that the lovers of the world may never go there but the humble and meek and poor in spirit. Do not do as the wicked, that entice their children to worldliness and covetousness by giving them money. But tell your children how much happier a poor believer is.”

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Narnia is too important a story to mess up by watching the director’s impressions of the thoroughly God-soaked themes. Read it first.

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I quoted this thought from John Adams in SS on Sunday without remembering who said it.

“I must study politics and war that my sons may have liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. My sons ought to study mathematics and philosophy, geography, natural history, naval architecture, navigation, commerce, and agriculture, in order to give their children a right to study painting, poetry, music, architecture, statuary, tapestry, and porcelain.”

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C.S. Lewis…

“The only people who achieve much are those who want knowledge so badly that they seek it while conditions are still unfavorable.  Favorable conditions never come.”

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Why Christians Should Learn Big Words

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